“One thing that’s cool about dating someone younger is that I don’t have to deal with, like, DVRs and shit.When you date someone from a generation that doesn’t remember dial-up, they just fix all of that Internet stuff for you. She also keeps me in the know about who the new cool rapper or cool model is, which I no longer have the energy to figure out by myself.”But then sometimes an age gap can make you feel like you’re from different planets.And then maybe, eventually, you’ll be able to pay it forward and be the teacher, which is a dynamic that feels simultaneously perverse and generous (a good combo).Like for example, it’s been kinda thrilling to be able to say, “Oh, you’ve never had a girl finger your butt before?We were also both newly into BDSM, which realistically was a more significant point of connection than I’d had with most of my age-appropriate exes. In your mid-20s, dating your peers can be harrowing—you’re drowning in a sea of street falafel, mezzanine beds, and entry-level head.
Like the time I stalked one Younger Guy’s Instagram, obsessing over whether the girls in his photos looked younger than me. But if you can get over your insecurities, I think there’s something to be gained from dating people of different ages—even if the relationships don’t last “forever.” When you’re the younger person in the couple, you get to soak up all your partner’s earned wisdom about life and sex, and it’s nice to feel cared for in that way.
He controlled the relationship, at least superficially. We also had different ideas of what qualifies as fun. so we could have the first pick of strawberries at the farmers’ market. But in hindsight, I think we might have just been incompatible.
I quickly learned that constantly feeling like a dependent child can be a real boner-killer. I wanted to take ketamine and lie on the floor in public. He also avoided hanging out with my friends—my theory was that he hated feeling like the old man at the party, while he argued that “going to Brooklyn is embarrassing.” And then there was the issue of energy levels: He would come once, and then pronounce his dick out of commission until tomorrow. Realistically, the proverbial conflict of horse tranquilizers versus fresh produce can happen in any relationship, regardless of age.
If you’re a gay person in your 20s, Ellen was out for your whole life.
If you’re in your 50s, you remember all your friends dying of AIDS.
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I wonder: What do we gain and lose from dating someone of a different generation? For one, he wore silk onesie pajamas that he meticulously ironed to have a crease down the center of the pant leg.